Jeanneabeck’s Weblog

My Paradigm Shift

I grew up in a very supportive environment with two parents who always encouraged me to do the right thing, so when I wanted to rebel there was not much I could do. Thanks to some friends in high school, though, I became interested in Japan because of the art, both traditional and modern (aka anime) and thus I found my way to free myself from parental restraints. Go abroad. Go to Japan. My grandma was born there, right? So I have a better reason than most…, right? I can live there the rest of my life and live my life the way I want to. It’ll be great. So yeah, I never drank, smoked or went to any parties. Instead, studying and working abroad became my way to get away and when I found out about the JET Program I thought I had found my ticket out the door. The only problem was that I didn’t exactly excel in Japanese class, I wasn’t bad, but I wasn’t great, and that every excuse I made only seemed to make my case for getting a degree in International Studies weaker until I finally decided to listen to my father and double major in education. It didn’t matter though, I was going to Japan. It seemed like fate aligned everything – my Japanese professors at MU, my study abroad trip to Iida – I was a first round pick and by August 2008 I found myself halfway around the world, and by January 2009 my husband was there with me.

The only problem was that I everything wasn’t great. It wasn’t terrible either, but I felt as though I was playing the game Jenga and all my tiles were out of alignment, off kilter, and that I could barely survive and never thrive abroad. This killed me because in 2008 I imagined that the 2018 version of myself would be some amazing globetrotter, having gone to 30+ countries and working in at least another 3, but the longer I held on to this dream the more I suffered as I found out that I’m really not that good at traveling, I don’t really like too many unknowns, and most of all, I really can’t do well without the close support network of my family around me.

I kept re-contracting with the JET Program though, thinking that the next year would be better, the next year I would feel more comfortable, get to see more of Japan, really learn Japanese, etc. and while some of this inevitably happened it came with a cost and with my job environment getting more stressful each year I came up empty. I also had the excuse that I was earning my masters degree and that Ryan should finish his associates degree before we go back to the US, but every year time I signed up for another year I didn’t feel relief, only more trouble, and now as we’re both unemployed I wonder if only completing half of our degrees while abroad would’ve been that bad.

It was during those times though that I learned what I think are my true values. Through distance and separation, I learned that my family is the most important thing in the world to me. I found myself wanting to find a good stable job and losing weight for dad, finding a job that paid well so I could support my mom, find a job close to home so I could be close to my parents, grandparents and other relatives so that I could always be there for them, and do whatever I end up doing well so I could be a role model for my younger siblings and cousins. At night I would dream of moving back home to Missouri, carving out a little place for me and my husband and being able to really relax and take in the simple pleasures that I left 7,000 miles away. I wanted to be home!

Three years in Japan did teach me a few things. I find myself calmer, more patient, I say “thank you” more often and feel grateful more often than I ever felt before. As my husband and I still search for jobs, and I’m starting to realize all the irresponsible things I have done I wonder if it was all worth it, and keep regretting that I didn’t make my stay in Japan shorter or that I at least would’ve put my priorities straight. It feels like I’m being lifted out of a foggy haze though and hopefully soon enough everything will be straightened out. I’m ready to settle down, snuggle in, and be truly happy for the first time in who knows how long. I’m ready to let my passport expire and let my suitcases gather dust. I’m ready to greet international students to America and let someone else have the experience of hearing “konnichiwa.” I still think I’m great at working with people of different backgrounds and cultures, and that if I were given a study abroad adviser or English as a Second Language teacher job that I would be right in my element. After all, I have experienced both ends of studying and working abroad, greatly appreciating all that all parties have to go through to make it work and the intangible benefits that come from when someone from one culture spends significant time in another. Only through study or work abroad can we learn about another way of life, break down stereotypes and have a chance at achieving international cooperation and understanding.

Given the time and motivation, I would like to upload a few pictures of my last month in Japan but afterwards turn this blog into a blog about America for my former Japanese students and anyone else who wants to learn about a very specific life in a very specific place and time in the USA. My blog certainly won’t be that exciting, but it might be refreshing and help my students break down some of the stereotypes they might hold for America, and help them decide if they would like to study or work abroad themselves.

Packing and Cleaning

Slowly but surely we’re fitting the contents of our life for the past three years into 3-4 suitcases and cleaning the last bits of dust bunnies and yuck. Just like every other ALT I’m thinking “Why didn’t I do more earlier!!!” Oh well. As much as I want all the suitcases appropriately weighed for the airport I don’t think it’s going to happen, or at least not today. We got two weeks at my host family’s house and then after that we are heading back to the USA, so I might be able to get rid of a few more things before then. I already threw away a Japanese garbage bag full of clothing that’s ripped, faded and/or falling apart at the seams. I could probably just throw away all my clothes without much of a second thought but what will I wear when I get home.

I gotta get some more blogs up before then but I’m not sure when it’s going to happen. I might just have to dump all my photos on to deviantART after arriving back in the States. Also, I’ve applied/sent some emails and letters of interests to a few schools and colleges. I found something really promsing but it’s a little too far away to commute from Jefferson City. Guess we’ll just have to see what they think of my application and go from there.

Puppetry and singing practice is going well too. I’ve been so busy around school and my house it’s nice to go to practice and have nothing to do but look at my song book and watch the students do Japanese puppetry, waiting for the tayu (traditional singing/chanting) instructor to come. Ack, I should probably make a blog and/or post some pictures about that too.

My Teacher’s House

Hello everyone! When we first moved into our teacher house in Iida City, I posted a few pictures to satisfy my family but now that we have less than a week left and in about two weeks my successor is moving in I took a few pictures of the place. I took a video earlier but couldn’t get it up on youtube because of our slow connection/some other error. Either way, I’m much better at showing things through pictures so without further ado, here’s our house.

Here’s the genkan or front entrance.  What you see when you first come in – a shoe closet on the left and a look into one of the tatami rooms. In Japanese homes you leave your shoes at the front door. Don’t mind the cat’s scratching rock, we’ll be throwing that rock back into the garden before leaving.

 

Tatami are Japanese grass mats which are used as flooring in more traditional rooms.  Most modern houses seem to only have one or two tatami rooms in them. Our house actually has two tatami rooms and considering that there are only three rooms total that’s a lot of tatami for one house. We turned the first tatami room into a bedroom. There’s a built-in bookshelf that used to house my tons of TESOL grad school textbooks and Japanese books, which have now been sent home.   The bed is just a twin mattress that is a bit hard so we always sleep on either a futon or thick blanket.  We inherited or bought all the blankets from previous ALTs and my successor gets all of this minus the futon which needs to be thrown away. Don’t worry, if you decide you need a futon there’s a shop near by. There’s a really nice down comforter and an electric heater in the closet for winter, and some random electronics  such as a land-line phone and Japanese dvd player we never used.  We never bothered getting a phone for the house and only rely on our cell phone, you might chose to do differently though.

Directly left of the front entrance is a hardwood floor room that we use mostly for clothes and the cat.  There’s a built-in table where we keep the ironing board, iron, and mirror, and a closet that can be completely hidden by the sliding doors, which are called fusuma.  I also have a hair dryer and hair straightener I’m going to be leaving in here, along with some first aid stuff and a sewing kit.

Down the hall you can find the toilet and connected laundry and shower room.  None of these places look that awesome but you got to remember this place is 40 or more years old and we’re paying less than 5000 yen or 50 USD a month for this place, plus a maintenance fee of 1500 yen a month. At the end of the hall you can see our clothes rack and hangers.  We only use the clothes rack when it’s too cold or windy to hang clothes outside or we’re airing a futon out. The rest of the time it just houses the hangers we use when we put clothes outside.

The 2nd tatami room, which is next to the kitchen, is our main room for hanging out.  Whoever was here before us turned the alcove area, where you’d usually hang a wall scroll of Chinese characters or put some other kind of art into a TV/Internet area and we went a long with it. The table is a kotatsu, a heated table you can plug in during winter and put a blanket on top to keep yourself warm. Right now the plug has been stored in the closet. We put a shelf in the closet on its side and have all of our video games and other electronic stuff piled in.  We also keep our reusable grocery bags in the top. Not sure where all this stuff will be when you move in, Successor, but hopefully it’s somewhere easy to locate.

The kitchen is small and the wire rack we bought from the last ALT makes it a bit smaller but nonetheless gives us a nice place to keep all our dishes and ingredients. That door has been bolted shut and a counter has been built in front of it where we keep our toaster oven, rice cooker and blender. Ryan wants to take our rice cooker home so that is one of the few things you’ll need to buy when you get here. This entrance area is a nice place to keep recyclables, landfill trash and burnable trash, for which we bought a trash can for.  Once in a while if we don’t make it to the front door fast enough someone will knock on this door.  We have the plastic trash out just for convenience sake. The refrigerator belongs to the school and all but one shelf has been broken. We get by but you might want to measure it and find a replacement shelf.  As far as the stove range goes, only the left side works but it was free so we get by.

 

Well, that about concludes the tour of the inside of my house.  It’s a little shabby and so is the stuff inside it but that’s why we chose not to sell anything to our successor and just let her take everything and do what she will with it.  It’s a concrete box but it’s a cheap concrete box. It’s pretty cold in the winter but you can pull out either the electric heater or kerosene heater and close off a room to keep in the heat.

Take care.

-Jeanne

 

Updates Coming Soon

Wooo, it’s been a little busy lately. I’ve basically given up on uploading photos on deviantART for now but hope to get a few more blog posts in highlighting some of the exciting events that are taking place in Iida and some of the things Ryan and I will miss when we leave.

Right now a couple of 3rd year students are in the computer lab looking up colleges to apply to soon. Everyone is so focused on their future it’s hard to enjoy the here and now, and I’m probably the worst culprit, thinking too much about cooking my favorite food with my family, relaxing at the Lake and doing normal things like chasing kids around the house, not taking in the beauty of Japan. I get annoyed with my students for not trying harder to speak English and overall for being lazy and complaining too much but these third years have been here almost as long as I have, and I’m sure someone could accuse me of doing the exact same things! I’m sure I will miss them a lot after I leave. For now I’ll continue to be annoyed with them as they complain that it’s too hot, searching for college is too difficult, school is too boring, etc, etc. Ha ha!

Update

I don’t like writing about things until everything is figured out. I’m waiting to find out who my replacement ALT is, when he/she is coming, which will give me a clue as to when my last day in this teacher house is, as well as waiting for details about my airplane ticket so I know when I’m coming back to the US. So many things are in the air now but I do know that I am down to under two months of school, we’re baking American cakes for the school festival and that I’ll be participating in the University of Missouri puppetry program in Iida so this summer all the sudden seems much longer, but seems a lot more enjoyable, especially because I’ll get the chance to meet the nice people in Tatsue, Iida City, the ones who do the puppetry again. I still am not sure if staying a third year was worth it, especially with a variety of issues at my schools, but hopefully this summer will somehow make everything come together and make this extra year seem worthwhile. Ryan is in his last week of classes now and will be getting his Associates degree in IT afterwards. He’s so burned out but I am so proud of him. It’ll be a nice reward after his 2 1/2ish years of hard work in Japan.

deviantART

Hello everyone! A combination of working overtime to send out job applications, which on Tuesday meant walking from my visit school to main school and staying late to get everything done, the class match, where I played volley ball for the teachers’ team, and probably the changing seasons too left me with the common cold. I think I’m almost over it but it still is a bummer. Every time I lose a day or two I feel a bit of a loss. I’m getting lots of sleep though so I should be better pretty soon.

I’m honestly not too good about keeping a blog, I find the format a bit difficult to keep up with, don’t like having to scour over what I wrote to make sure it’s not too childish, and I have difficulty thinking up themes so I just kind of write about what’s been going on. On deviantART www.deviantart.com I feel a lot more at home though. I’ve been a member since 2004 after my artistic friends joined the website and although I’ve changed accounts once (so I don’t have the cool “member since 2004” designation) this fact doesn’t seem to bother anyone. I’ve been uploading pictures from Japan on dA since I first came here in 2008 and since a week or so after the earthquake I’ve been trying to upload a picture every day so people can see what it’s like to live in a small town in Japan. Check me out at www.jeannebeck.deviantart.com. (no a, didn’t know at the time that I’d have problems just getting jeannebeck for an email/blog username) I think what I do is called tangential learning (thank you Extra Credits); just by looking at my photos I hope the people who see them, who are mostly high school and college age students, can learn something new about Japan. By reading my description and maybe following up on something I wrote, they can learn even more. Sometimes I run little contests on there just because it’s fun, I like to see what kids in America and beyond think about Japan and it’s rewarding to give back. I remember being in high school, dreaming about going to Japan so I can imagine it must be pretty cool being able to talk to someone already on the ground.

Anyway, my photo a day challenge isn’t without flaws. I got behind quite a bit because of overall busyness and laziness but uploaded four days worth of photos I missed last week and hope to get the days I missed this week up before the end of the week. After getting back on track, I hope to make time each day at a certain time to upload photos so whoever watches me on dA can see Japan practically in real time. Also, you might be wondering why I didn’t share my dA info earlier. Well, I sometimes upload pictures of nerdy video game stuff for my friends and though my relatives wouldn’t be impressed but now I don’t really care one way or another. Each place or thing I take a picture of is another aspect of life in Japan. So the wall of Yugioh cards and the dual disk toy I uploaded for Malinda has meaning too, just maybe not as much meaning to me as a 1,000 year old temple. Regardless, all of it is a valid part of Japanese life.

Also, I need to say a bit thanks to my dad for sending me his camera for my birthday! It takes much better photos so I’ll be able to preserve my memories much better. With my old camera only a few pictures of any batch turned out to be dA quality and the old old camera…. well sometimes something happened to turn out ok. Anyway, I got 3 more months here, let’s hope their good ones.  I’ve asked ahead and looks like I got the “all clear” for taking finals week off and going to another country or two, (I’m thinking Singapore again, with maybe a day trip to an island in Indonesia and spending a few days in Malaysia, but Thailand sounds good too, and so does Hong Kong) Ryan seems like he’ll be happy with anything as long as good food is involved.  I also hope to take the next three day weekend after Golden Week to go to Kyoto and hope to take some more small trips around the region. I’ll keep ya’ll up-to-date with what happens.

April April!

It’s too bad that darn earthquake had to happen; I don’t think I tell people this enough but I have been enjoying my time in Japan more than ever this last year. I think I’ve finally adapted to most of the differences between my culture and theirs and now consider Japan a second home or home-away-from-from, although my first home will always be America. It was interesting, back when I was updating Twitter every two hours so everyone knew I was still alive, I referred to Japan as “they,” “we,” and “it,” going back and forth depending on the situation. I never thought of Japan as something I’d be protecting or that I’d talk about myself and the people of Japan as “we” but I suppose that’s what disasters do – they unite and everyone was here together… that is until embassies started flying people out left and right. My friends who happened to be taking flights in and out of Japan commented on how strangely dead Narita airport is. Must be a good time to fly in and out of Japan but who would want to.

So if you’re wondering, although I still watch the news (a bit) I’m completely done worry about the earthquake and the aftermath – it’s already April and so I need to focus harder on finding a job in the US, getting my house and life together here in Japan, start thinking about packing/recycling/throwing away the stuff we’ve accumulated, figuring out my last few months of school, and hopefully enjoy my time here too. We just paid for Ryan’s last semester of classes at Phoenix; his last two classes begin at the end of this month and he will be getting his associates degree in June! Against better financial judgment, I just joined the nice gym that’s near our house and hope to be shedding the pounds that walking to school every day and eating rice every day didn’t get rid of. While jogging yesterday I realized that I am stronger than when I was when I did an exercise research program at MU my freshman year but I am still bigger than I was then.

March/April is a pretty terrible time for your waistline and wallet in the education world in Japan though; people are being transferred left and right so we have expensive parties to say good bye to them (6000 yen), special groups of teachers like women teachers and English teachers have to have special lunches at school (~1200-2500yen each), and then we have to later have equally expensive parties to say “hello” to all the newcomers (6000 yen) and then another special English party (~5000yen) to welcome new English teachers. As expensive as these parties are it’s really interesting to go to them to see Japanese culture, try food I’d never try otherwise and to be seen as part of the team. That being said, I had to reject going to the big school-wide welcome party. I mean, I’m broke and it’s not like I’m going to be working with the new people that long anyways. How do teachers do this every year?

Also, I’m trying to post a picture of Japan every day on my deviantART account www.jeannebeck.deviantart.com so if you’re interested check it out. I have a lot of high school followers who are interested in Japan for a variety of reasons so I try to teach them about the real Japan I see every day through my photos. Since I only have about 120 days left in Japan I thought I’d challenge myself to take pictures every day and hopefully post pictures just about every day.

That about it for now. See you around on here, Twitter, deviantART or elsewhere!
-Jeanne

Japan Earthquake and Tsunami

Hello everyone! Sorry it’s been a while. I’ve been working on the photos for an English guidebook my students are making, trying to decide which photos to upload but I thought I’d send a quick message now concerning the earthquake and tsunami. We’re just fine in Nagano; we felt the earthquake and are still feeling the aftershocks. The main earthquake shook the house, rattling the windows and doors. We’ve got power, water, etc., so it was basically a normal day for us. We were shocked when reports started coming online of the damage; being in the center of Japan we feel many earthquakes each year but they are mostly small and the damage is minor. This was certainly the longest earthquake I’ve ever felt; it lasted 2-3 minutes constantly rocking us back and forth. It was as though I was dizzy.

Transportation is completely crippled here. The bullet trains are down, trains are down in the Tokyo and Tohoku region, and with Narita closed and the ports crippled the amount of international travel and imports are going to be affected. My students were going to leave for Australia tomorrow from Narita airport but with the airport closed I fear that their trip, which they’ve been planning for years for will be canceled or postponed. Students from another high school in Nagano are stuck at the airport tonight, also on their way to Australia.

My heart goes out to everyone in Sendai and in the Tohoku area. As much as I pray for everyone’s safety I’m especially worried about the English teachers and other foreign workers who are far from home with possibly no way of contacting their loved ones.
-Jeanne

Time Flies

Can you believe January is already over? Time has been flying by for me, whisking me from weekday to weekend faster than I could ever imagine. On my wall I taped the Janaury-August calendars back to back to see how much time I have left here, checking off a day at a time and already, over a calendar is gone. I’ve been enjoying life in Japan a lot more lately too. I’ve been regulary going to Japanese lessons on Saturdays, getting to meet some really nice Japanese people and foreigners from several different countries, trying to see more of Iida with Ryan whenever we can, and using this crazy excellerated time to break some bad habits and makes some good ones. Still can’t keep the house clean or exercise regulary but it is January afterall and living in a concerte box doesn’t mesh well with these habits. Today I’m randomly going to Matsumoto to meet up with a friend, killing several birds with one stone. In addition to hanging out with a cool ALT buddy who is also saying “sayonara” this year and getting to do some cool stuff in Matsumoto that we can’t do in our home town (Starbucks for one), I’m also forcing myself to get up early to catch the train and to get some reading and Japanese homework done while riding there.